If I Could

If I could...

I would walk down familiar,
Leafy streets,
In our old neighborhood,
Comfortable in the knowledge of place,
And time,
Like a king in his domain,
Even if I was a pauper king.
I would gladly hunt for scorpions,
Every night,
Because that's what you do,
In the desert,
When you've been stung,
And so has your daughter,
And you want to keep everyone safe,
Even though it freaks you out.
I would get the band back together,
Because music is part of my soul,
And we would rock!
I would drop in and see old friends,
At the drop of a hat,
On a whim,
Without warning.
I would stop in at my favorite bookstore,
You know the one,
The cool one,
With the wafting hippy smells,
And old used copies of Kerouac,
And random bric-a-brac,
And buy too many books.
I would go swimming,
Because when it's over 90 degrees,
It's swimming weather,
Though the pool may still be a bit cold.
I would grab a beer,
With friends,
In a familiar pub,
Even though it's long gone.
I would get the other band back together,
Because cover songs are fun,
Especially Timberlake.
Everyone loves Timberlake!
I would see family,
Staying late into the night around the fire,
And then do the same thing tomorrow,
Because we can.
I would meet my running buddies,
In the dark,
Way too early,
Because it helps get your ass in gear,
And it's more fun to complain with friends,
And complaining on a solo run is crazy.
I would drive past that hospital,
Trying not to look,
But looking,
Because,
It's where my dad breathed his last.
I would help my mom move boxes,
And watch a game at her house,
And tell her I'll see her next week,
And tell her it'll be OK,
Because I need to remind myself.
I would go into work early with burritos,
Or donuts,
Or just because,
So that I could chat with my teacher pals.

But I can't do those things,
Because they are in the past,
And the way is forward.
Perhaps,
My path,
If I'm lucky,
Will lead me back to days like that,
Though it will never be quite the same.

4-17-19