The whole thing's a mess. Furthermore, who knows what's really going on, why it's really happening, or when it will actually end? This new shut-in lifestyle is pretty scary. The fear can creep in if you let it. It's hard to keep a positive outlook when we're all wondering if we're in the middle of it all or if this is only the beginning.
It sort of feels like we've been catapulted past the in medias res catalyzing moment of a zombie movie. We missed the part where our heroes band together in a series of meet-cute mishaps and randomly intersecting plotlines in the midst of a global calamity. We skipped the part where everything's chaotic. We missed the scenes where zombies are swarming and quickly vanquished in creative ways, but the chase is on. We join the program currently in progress where, remarkably, just as Act Two begins, the heroes find their way into an abandoned science lab, complete with extra thick security doors and high-set windows, an impenetrable fortress where they can wait for the cavalry or the end of the world. One nervous scientist ushers our little motley group of survivors inside and beep-boop-bops the 24 hour timelock security code.
Here we are, in that moment just after the doors clicked shut. Locked in, warily eyeing each other, wondering if, somehow, during the melee, some, or all, of us were infected. We fight the suspicious urge to watch for signs of illness. We tamp down the fear that every odd feeling or strange tickle means that we ourselves are doomed. And what's with that sweaty, shaky scientist anyway?
The dawn will come. We just have to remember what Douglas Adams said, "Don't Panic!"
Staying positive. That's all we can do. Like all of us, this strange, strange moment has given me time to consider what I like best about quarantine. Since there's nothing else to do while we're all hunkering down in the bunker, allow me to enumerate some things I am grateful for right now.
One:
I realize that those butterflies I felt the first time I met her, way back in 1997, were not just a physiological spark surging through my body due to a super-charged libido. Those buzzing vibes were the universe ringing my soul's doorbell. I've always known, but now I really see that there is no one I would rather face the apocalypse with than her. She is my love, my partner, my friend to the end, (hopefully this isn't it.) I see how our unbreakable bond and partnership is fortified in this chaotic emergency. As in pre-lockdown life, we circle the wagons wordlessly, no-look-passing our way through the myriad obstacles that come our way. If anything gives me hope it's her.
Two:
My children, our eternal sunshine, our immortal future. Despite the racket outside our gates, nothing matters more than them. Their well-being, their safety and sanity. Being together is wonderful, nevermind the reason. They find ways to occupy their time in beautiful ways. Our ceilings and halls echo equally with their giggles, as well as their occasional pitched squabbling. What's better than being stuck inside indefinitely with people you love more than yourself?
Three:
Dinner every night. Sitting down at the table. Just us. Not that we didn't do that before, but now, as we pretend that everything is normal, it seems more important. I realize it always was.
Four:
The thrill in finding ways to meet the challenges that face us personally and professionally. I love watching as my colleagues yearn to connect and support their students. I relish the time spent on video chats just so my students can say hi to me and each other. I value the time all the teachers who teach my own children spend creating content for them to continue their education remotely. We're going to get through it, but we can't let things fall to disrepair in the meantime. The British wartime admonition to Keep Calm and Carry On comes to mind.
Five:
The creativity blossoming in so many disparate places and disciplines. The spirit of sharing, (despite the toilet paper hoarding), becoming a tenet of this moment, even if it's just a smile and a friendly wave. Authors issuing blanket statements of permission to use their works. Tech companies opening up the paywall to let the masses in. There will be time for more money, but for now it seems that our altruistic nature is running the show.
Six:
Artists doing what artists do, giving us hope, sharing their souls, gifting a worried world with small wonders of genius and joy. A generosity of spirit rolling out from all across the globe. All technologically connected and unafraid. Open hearts freely flowing with whimsy and love.
So, batten the hatches, but block out the noise. Most stuff in this life is out of our hands. This is no different. Our outlook, though, that is entirely under our control, so make lemonade or cookies or something cool!
3-25-2020
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